Well I guess I better start off with a little about myself. Obviously I am Amanda Martin and I am 26 years old. Austin and I got married August 31,2008. Feels like just yesterday we got married. We plan on having another wedding for our 10 year anniversary since we had such a blast with our first.
I cant imagine my life without Austin. We have been through so much and there is no one else I would have wanted to go through it with.
He is the one person that can drive me nuts but while he is driving me nuts he makes me laugh so hard tears stream down my face. He is just so care free and relaxed. Which balances out my stressful nature.
Like recently for example. Austin found out he is going to be hourly and not salary which can be a good thing or a bad thing. So of course I start imagining the worst.
I talk to him today and says "honey we are going to be fine." Just him saying that I believe him. I know it sounds crazy but that's just how it is.
Now, on to why I wanted to start a blog in the first place. Austin and I decided last year that we were going to "not try but not prevent". Everyone knows when you say that though you are pretty much trying to get pregnant. If you weren't then you would still be on birth control. It was actually about this time last year we decided to give it a go.
We found out in February that I was pregnant only to find out 3 days later I had a chemical pregnancy. Which means if I wouldn't have taken a pregnancy test so early I would have just thought my cycle was late.
After that happened I was upset but I was ready to start trying again. So we were following the doctors orders to wait at least one cycle to start trying again. Well, that didn't happen. We ended up finding out again that we were pregnant at the end of March. We were soo excited! Austin came with me to our first appointment, my mom and I were talking about what color we wanted to paint the nursery and we were discussing baby names. We knew for sure if we were having a boy we wanted to name him Luke.
On May 5 I had an appointment to hear the baby's first heart beat. Susie (Austin's mom) wanted to go with me. She was soo excited as was I. When we go to the doctors office we waited in the room for what felt like forever for her to come in and do the ultrasound. Once she finally came in you could tell by the look on her face something was wrong. I looked at the TV and didn't see anything. She said she was afraid this would happen.....WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!! She said that I had a Blighted Ovum and that at 7 weeks my body absorbed the fetus.
I was so devastated. She was talking and I could see her lips moving but all I could hear was my voice saying are you serious? I cant believe this is happening to me again! I wanted to die. The doctor left the room and Susie hugged me while we cried together. Then I collected myself and walked out.
The ended up giving me pills that would make me miscarry since my body didn't know it wasn't pregnant anymore. That was probably the hardest part.I felt like I was causing me to miscarry but I had to make myself realize there was no baby. I was just flushing everything else out.
Austin was so good to me during that time. He took the next day off to be with me and stayed up all night. He even ran to the store for me to get a heating pad at midnight. As much as this situation sucked it really did bring us closer. It made me realize no matter what we always have each others backs. It also made me realize how much we wanted a family. I tried really hard to stay strong after everything happened but slowly it was catching up with me. I was loosing sleep, messing up at work alot and becoming soo bitter towards other pregnant woman or moms that I felt were taking their kids for granted. So I finally decided I was going to go to a meeting at our church called Hopeful Hearts. They meet on the last Monday of every month. This coming up Monday will be my first time. I am looking forward to going but at the same time not really. Its hard to explain.
I know for sure though if I didn't have the friends I have I would not be where I am today with all this. They dropped everything they were doing to make sure I was okay. We even had an emergency girls night which meant the world to me. My girls are badass and sorry but no one else will ever take their places!
Now that its a couple months later Austin and I are as close to being ready to try again as possible. I have a new doctor who is awesome! She has given me the peace of mind I need to move forward. I am of course still scared but I figure if God has my back then I know I will have my miracle in the end.
So from here on it I will be posting my journey on trying to start a family. I hope anyone who has been in my situation finds comfort in knowing some woman struggle harder then others to start their dream family but with a fabulous husband,amazing friends and God there is nothing I cant do!
